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  • Writer's pictureFootsteps Counseling

She's not the one who has to f*ck him.

Most of us have been there. We have a spouse, or someone we're dating. Eventually there is a fight, and eventually you tell someone close to you about it. You need to vent, you need perspective. But then later, this happens:

"My sister hates him."

"My mom never could stand her after that."

"I just want them to get along."



Sitting in my therapy chair, I hear the same story I've heard countless times, the same story I've felt. I know the push-pull of needing support from a loved one and then the shame you feel when, barring any real abuse, you stay with the person you just cried to them about. And now, you find yourself holding back. You call your mom less, and stay silent when you're having a problem. Defending that they "really are a good [whatever]."


Two hands crossing pinkies as a promise.

And here's the thing, they might be.

And so, I see my client, who is in absolute tears that her sister hates her boyfriend.

I look in her eyes and say,

"Well, she's not the one who has to fuck him."


And yes, that's crass. And yes, that's not the full story. And MAYBE therapists shouldn't say that.


But at the end of the day, owning your decisions and feeling empowered to say "I'm making the choice to stay in this relationship. Thank you so much for being there for me" is more than ok. Your therapist said so.


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